Frequently Asked Questions Regarding Couple Therapy
How do we know if we need couple therapy?
If you are wondering whether to continue in your marriage/relationship, if you have been trying for years to improve things on your own without much progress, if you want to have the best relationship possible.
What is the structure of couple therapy?
The two of you will meet with me for the first session, then I will have one 1:1 session with each of you, and then subsequent meetings will be with the three of us. Ideally, we will meet weekly, but I know schedules and funds don’t always allow for this. We can be flexible.
How long does couple therapy take?
That answer depends on many factors, but in general, EFT is meant to be a fairly short term model. For most couples, it can take anywhere from 12 to 24 sixty minute sessions.
How does it work? What will we be asked to do?
The best outcome will come from being open and committed to the process, and a willingness to be vulnerable. You will be asked to take a look at the ways you are contributing to the difficulties in your relationship. I will ask you to share with each other in session with my guidance. We will focus on your feelings and needs and how they are expressed.
I’m afraid therapy will create more conflict; what if we have big fights in session?
This is a common fear. It’s certainly likely that the process will “rock the boat”, especially if you tend to be a couple who avoids dealing with issues. My job is to make the process as safe as possible. I will intervene if there is a lot of conflict happening in session. You will be learning communication and repair skills early on, so you will know how to deal with conflict outside of sessions.
I’m afraid that going to therapy will lead to us splitting up -does this happen?
Sometimes it does. With more clarity, couples sometimes decide that what they want is to be apart. I will support you in this decision, while helping you to understand your reasons why.
What if my partner doesn’t want to come to therapy with me?
While this can be frustrating, it’s still possible to change your relationship by working on yourself without your partner present. It’s worth giving me a call and we can discuss this.
What if I we need couple therapy, plus I’m interested in individual therapy – can you do both?
No, it’s best if I only wear “one hat”. I can help you find another therapist if you’d like to do both.
How about if I have something that I’ve been keeping from my partner, such as an affair or an addiction, and I’m not sure I’m ready to tell?
I can help you get prepared to talk with your partner and to process with you two after you have shared. Success in couple therapy is dependent on openness and honesty, so a secret will get in our way. Also, if you tell me your secret, but you don’t want to tell your partner, I can’t continue working with you two. My alliance is with both of you, and it won’t work for me to keep a secret from one partner.